I was in a relationship (relationshit) with a guy, who I can’t even call a man, because he wasn’t one, for 6 years. I should have known in the beginning that he wasn’t any good. He was an ex drug addict. But I didn’t listen. We started dating, and after a few short months, the novelty wore off like it always does (or so I thought) and he was a total prick. I should have ended it right then and there but of course I didn’t. He had already done his damage. He was mean, crude and rude. He belittled me in front of his friends. Talked badly about me behind my back. Refused to touch me or cuddle or show any sign of intimacy what’s so ever. I pretty convinced he was cheating on me though I have no actual proof of it. He was cold and callused. He hated that I had friends and would be furious when I hung out with them. Hated when I would go out without him. But it was totally okay for him to be out till hours of the night, drinking and driving and probably doing drugs, and calling him to come get him. Would show up at my door at all hours, pissed off because I wouldn’t leave the house. Would yell at me for not answering my phone. He used to tell me that if he could, he would tie me up and throw me in a closet so I couldn’t go anywhere. He would say it jokingly, but now…I’m not so sure that was a joke. I really believe that if he could have, he would have. Nothing was ever his fault. It was always mine. He could do no wrong and his family enabled that. He played the victim, and they would tip toe around him so they wouldn’t set him off as if he was a waiting time bomb. Which he was. He would call me fat, behind closed doors and in front of his friends. I was never fat. Ever. I just wasn’t skin and bones, which apparently is the body type he’s into. He slowly and subtly brought me down and tried to break me. Made me out to be some horrible, horrible person to his family and friends.
He never seemed to want to be with me unless he had no where else to go. Hardly ever asked me to go anywhere with him. Would lie to his parents and say he was with me but he really wasn’t. He would threaten to break up with me every time we were in a fight. They became empty threats and I would just tell him to go ahead and do it, but he never did and if he did he would come back to me. Telling me how sorry he was and I would stupidly take him back. Nothing was ever his fault. Even if I had proof, he would never admit it. He would talk about his ex all the time and compare me to her. Or compare me to other members of his family or friends in some way. He hated everything I wore unless it was pants and a hoody. None of my skin could be showing, or at least that’s how he made me feel. He was a total hypocrite, and had more double standards than anyone I had ever met. It’s like he didn’t know the basics of respect. Did I mention that 2 years later, he’s cyberstalking me now. He’s not contacting me in anyway, but he is monitoring my social media accounts. Go ahead and creep away, the only thing you will find is how happy I am without you.
After my son was born, I knew I couldn’t stay with him. I just couldn’t. I didn’t want my son around someone so mean and so cruel. Plus, he didn’t love my son. And deep down, he didn’t love me either like he so claimed.
I’ve really been putting this blog post off. I’m not sure why. Maybe because when I make it public, it becomes real and not just something I have been working through on my own and with the help of my totally awesome, loving and supportive boyfriend.
I want to talk to you today about abusive relationships. I’m not talking about physically abusive relationships, I’m talking verbally and emotionally abusive relationships. Which, I sometimes think might be even worse than physical ones. Either way though, abuse is abuse and it’s NOT OKAY.
I finally was back on my own two feet and able to take care of my son and myself without nobody’s help. I made the decision to move home. To be in a safe place when I finally broke it off with the narcissistic sociopath. I can say that, because after months of research about relationships with narcissistic people, he showed every red flag in the books. I’m not even kidding. Every. Single. One. He would deny all this, because I’m the liar. And his family and friends won’t believe this because he can do no wrong has far has his family is concerned and his friends think he is some sort of god.
He made me feel worthless. Sad and alone for many years. What kept me from losing it completely was my son. He was my saving grace. If he hadn’t have came about, who knows where I would have been by now.
I tried to be brief in my story. And give you the details, that maybe you see in the relationship you are in now. You are not alone. No matter how alone that asshole makes you feel, you are not alone. And you can get out. I was lucky enough to find my soul mate right after breaking up with him. But that doesn’t mean that I had some emotional damage done. I had to learn to trust again. I had to get over mental blocks and issues that I had because of him. But with the love and support of my boyfriend, I was able to. It was hard, and I didn’t want to admit that he damaged me in some way. I didn’t want to give him that satisfaction. But the truth is, you can’t recover and become a survivor when you don’t admit that something happened. It’s hard and will take every ounce of strength in you. But you can do it. I promise.
Listed below are 30 red flags that are listed in the book that I have been reading for Personal Development lately. It’s called Psychopath Free: Recovering From Emotionally Abusive Relationships with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and other Toxic People by Peace. I just started this book, but I highly recommend it so far 🙂
- You feel on-edge around this person, but you still want them to like you.
- Uses sex as a tool for control.
- Plasters your Facebook page with compliments, flattery, songs, and poems.
- Quickly declares you their soul mate.
- Compares you to everyone else in their life.
- Lies and excuses. About everything.
- Eternal boredom.
- Insults you with a condescending, joking sort of attitude.
- Uses social networking to provide jealousy and rivalries while maintaining their cover of innocence.
- You find yourself playing detective.
- Surrounds themselves with former lovers and potential mates.
- Hyperbolizes emotions while displaying none of them.
- You are the only one who see their true colors.
- Accuses you of emotions that they are intentionally provoking.
- Cannot put themselves in your shoes, or anyone else’s for that matter.
- You are engaged in the constant conversations about their ex.
- you find yourself explaining the basic elements of human respect to a full-grown man or woman.
- Focuses on your mistakes and ignores their own.
- Suddenly and completely bored by you.
- The ultimate hypocrite.
- Sometimes it seems as though they’ve forgotten who they’re supposed to be around you.
- An unusual amount of “crazy” people in their past.
- Flatters your deepest insecurities.
- Frequently comments about what you’re wearing and how you look.
- You fear that any fight could be your last.
- Obsessed with humiliating successful, kind and cheerful people.
- They expect you to read their mind.
- Selfishness and a crippling thirst for attention.
- Your feelings.
Did I mention, that my ex had every one of these red flags. Some were every day occurrences, but some where not. But they were there.